Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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