Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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