Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
