So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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