Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
