I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
