we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
PANTIES FOUND
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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