I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
