I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize