I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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