Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
