Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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