you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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