You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
