do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
