I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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