Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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