i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
