theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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