Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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