He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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