You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
