and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
