walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
