Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
