"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
