i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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