If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
