Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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