Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
