'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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