mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When are your genitals available?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
