he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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