So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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