I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
