According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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