So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
