I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
