so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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