What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
