I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
