dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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