id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
