Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
