it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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