i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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