6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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