I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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