Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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