A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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