we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
