I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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