Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
