so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
