you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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