Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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