just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
