I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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