Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
