***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
