apparently the secret to your success is patron
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
