I'm jealous of your bromance
my phone needs a breathalizer
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
