He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
