so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
