the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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