Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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