Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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