The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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