We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
