dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
